Stereotyping myself...... not my best idea.

Whinging period is over.... at least while I wait for answers from all the companies... I guess it's my right as a woman to pout, be unreasonable and whinge every now and then ;)

So this whole "Pre-30-project" has taken me to a new phase - let's say we got to phase 2 ( number 1 being the one where I panicked over everything), and I am trying to figure out who I am as a type... so I've looked at women stereotypes, and where i could fit in.... And more interesting - where I would like to fit in, but don't...

I found it even harder trying to categorise some types - but here we go - I tried picking the ones where i think I at some point belonged, or thought I belonged:

"The dollface sheep"
- The most common group in the teen years, girls looking like each other in pretty much every way - same hair colour ( the one that's In atm), same clothing, same principles ( if any at all), they don't have a single independent thought - all that matters is that you don't leave the house without make-up, the right clothes and your hair done.
Why I didn't fit in: I was never skinny or stupid enough, and too lazy.

"One of the boys"
- Talk like a trucker, burp and swear, hanging out with the boys and trying to be cool in their eyes. Baggy Jeans, Skater-sneakers and Hoodies. Picking fights and bad-mouthing the "Dollface sheep".
Why I didn't fit in: Even thought I can burp along with the best of them, I felt like I was ripped of my femininity - I like doing my nails, "Doll'ing up" - and I hate fighting.

"The Musician/ Boho"
- You either sing, play an instrument or have an incredible knowledge about music - the right kind of cause. Clothes are second hand, but carefully chosen out to look just right - you go to concerts and have an active social-life, going out often to listen to music with your equal-minded friends. You date other musician-types.
Why I didn't fit in: I can't play any instruments, or sing (outside the shower), I couldn't participate in the conversations - I tried hard though - this was a wonderful time.

"The nature girl"
- Long walks in the Woods, they are into wattle and gardening. Clothing is usually Wellies, jeans and a knitted sweater. For vacations they like trekking in the mountains or horseback riding. An all around healthy rosy-cheeked girl.
Why I didn't fit in: I do on many of the points - but I hate walking... I am a lazy person, and on my vacations I prefer to enjoy the scenery from a cozy little sidewalk café, or on a scooter.

And then where I would like to place myself now:

"The office chick"
- Pencil skirts, blazers, silk blouses and pumps - immaculate make-up and hair, works 9 to 5, doesn't need help from anyone, earns her own money. Weekends are cocktails and dinner-parties - her home is carefully decorated and neat.
Why this life: Why not? wriggle along and live on the fast-track. Though - what is missing here is the kids I hope to get one day.

Where I would place myself :

"The nestbuilder"
- Bakes, pickles, sew, knits, cooks and cleans. DYI is a philosophically maxim. The home is characterized by the many projects going on - a bit messy. A family is high on the list, and the centre of attention. In lack of husband and kids, there is a cat or tiny dog that gets more attention than it would care to get. Job is only to earn a living.

And in my case: without a job or own nest.
What's wrong with that?: Well - I am 29... not an old maid.. I should be taking advantage of the fact that the 30's are the new 20's - and get out more. At least for a few years.


So I am a sad cat-lady that fills her time with creative projects.... where have I heard this before... hmm.. Oh yeah! That's the outcome of the new tendency among my age group - being single is cool, no strings attached - it creates women like me.. and also a huge group of young men who live like hermits. I know so many of my kind - a new Stereotype, thanks a lot you fecking feckers that came up with the idea that being on your own is great - might be if your skinny, rich and a tramp.. but when your 50, tits hanging, botox paralysed your face and no one wants you any more... I am gonna show up with a big fat sign saying

I TOLD YOU SO!!!!

Think I got sidetracked in the end there....

Status

So.. what's the status with me and my plans.. 4 months before I turn 30.... I could lie and say everything played out how I wanted it to.. but then you would have known - I would have posted a looooong post about how fab my new apartment was - incl. pictures :P

So yes... nothing has changed... God, it's depressing when I write it down.. makes it more real.. oh well, Rome wasn't build in 1 day either :P

So - I still live at my parents... on the sofa - well sofa has been replaced by another sofa-bed.. less comfy - but the sofa was my brothers and he wanted it back.. thanks a lot...
I still haven´t found an apprenticeship yet, but tomorrow I am sending out another 21 applications - so with a bit of luck (keeping fingers crossed).

I am doing something though - taking an accounting-course at the moment - to get more competencies within my field.

Also I have started to seriously consider if I should start my baby-plans myself, and get inseminated... Finding the right guy is hard... to be honest I don't expect the unreal - I know relationships aren't always forever... but a guy who I would share a child with, that I know would be a good father even if we aren't together - that is more than I can hope for right now...

God.. this got a bit serious... I guess my ovaries are just pounding atm.. and the biological clock is ticking pretty loud :P A good friend just had another baby - my cousin just announced that she is having number 2 as well, and so on and so on.. it's apparently baby-boom time again next year.

Well - do me a favour all, (yes all 4 of you :P) - and cross your fingers for me and my 21 applications.. so that I can move out and start over in the beginning of the new year - before the big 30 hits - and so that I can blog about interesting things - and not just whine and complain like today - I would much rather blog about how I went nuts with DIY projects in my new apartment and accidentally cut the power off , or post pictures of my interior decoration trials.

So for now - go find an interesting blog to read :P there is bound to be some out there that doesn't involve peoples children or cooking recipes... though that's what I usually fall over :P

Addictions.....

So.... We all have addictions of some sort - I have many...

Health-wise only a few of them are bad - My smoking and my lust for chocolate... yes it is lust...

But oh, I have so many many more...

Collecting:

Hats... And I never seem to have an occasion to wear them...
Shoes... And I usually only ever wear the same pair, cause my fat healthy wide feet cant fit into narrow stiletto's, but they just look so pretty in the shop and whisper to me...
Clothes in general... and still I never seem to have anything to wear...
Craft materials... because you never know when you would like to felt a pony...
Stuff for my future home... oh the boxes.. the boxes stuffed with all kinds of junk, from pillowcases to antique plates with gold edges...
Old junk I find adorable... I would make a fantastic bag-lady.. but I would need the world largest shopping-trolley...

Time wasters:
World of Warcraft... I am trying to cut back a lot, and have had a long break recently - gaming doesnt do much good for my tan ;) or my lumps and bumps...
Series... Ohh the biggest time-stealer ever! I must be following a million series - I found out that you could find almost all series on the internet streaming - some really good pay-sites out there.. and then what happens... I don't have to wait a week to see what happens in Gossip Girl.. I just watch episode after episode.. until I actually have to wait, cause there are no more episodes out.. and it gives time to watch Buffy all over again.. and Sex and the city... and Gilmore Girls.. and Bones... and House.. and find series I never knew existed!!... and you get the picture now?
80's and Horror films... Do I actually have to explain this??? Who wouldn't want to spend a whole weekend re-visiting the Breakfastclub or Army of Darkness! (Just bought a Karatekid box set - can't wait for the weekend!!!)
The internet in general... Yes.. why go out and be social when you can sit at home, go on Facebook, play games, listen to music and watch videos of stupid people on YouTube... Right now I am "watching" YouTube, Blogging, on Facebook and Googling stuff... oh and loading an episode of House so it is ready when I am done here...
Crafting... If I am not gluing something together or spreading beads all over my table.. I am not happy...

So you see - I have enough things to keep me busy..... Also conveniently keeping me from dealing with the realities atm.. Like the lack of Job, Home and Man..

Don't try and tell me you don't have at least 3 addictions that keep you happily ignorant about your current situation ;)



(Picture from http://www.nataliedee.com)

Born in the wrong decade..

Ever since I can remember, I have loved the 50's - music, design, style and most of all, the way women were women and men were men.

I might be stepping on some feminist toes now, but I feel the whole "equal rights" thing has gone a bit too far - of cause I think women and men are equal when it comes to jobs, payment and other essential living conditions.. But then something went wrong.. now we have power women, who act just like men - and call men "the weaker sex".. isn't that just as bad.. even worse than what we had before.. at least men used to hold the door, pull out the chair, and buy us beautiful things.. now the power women are trying to make men into shape-able lumps of meat - be soft and in touch with their feelings, do the dishes and clean the house - then afterwards when they tried so hard to please us - we get turned off by the softness..

I would prefer a "Mans man" any day - I don't mind being the woman - doing the cooking and cleaning and taking care of the children. I want a man who adores me and treats me like a lady - holds the door and gives me his coat if I am cold. I want to spoil my man, and make sure I am pretty for him every day, not wearing unflattering sweats and unshaven legs.
It's a compromise - If I want a real man who brings home the bacon and takes care of me, I should give something back - and I am not a girl who likes to share her toys - so he should not be looking at other ladies - If we want our men to stay rugged and handsome, we should not complain when they want us to stay pretty ;)


Well - besides from the whole gender thing, I also love the fashion of the 50's - cute cardigans and pencil skirts - women had hips and breasts - and the clothing was flattering and brought out the lovely shapes - no skinny twig girls like today. Ohh to be able to dress up in that every day, wriggle down the street wearing gloves and a hat.. *Sigh* I am not shaped for it at the moment - so I keep to a few clothing items that gives me a feel of the 50's - and then I go nuts with curlers and shoes.
And luckily I am not the only girl who loves the 50's - so every now and then I find places to shop or get ideas - One of my absolute favourites is Miss Vera - a fantastic girl named Camille started her own brand of Rockabilly & Pinup clothing and accessories, and they are to die for!
I linked her Blog and web-store for you :)

I would like to say that my home shows my affection of the 50's.. but as I mentioned in one of the first blogs - I am currently living on a sofa in a living-room - so no.. but my boxes are filled with vintage kitchen-appliances, pictures etc... so usually it shows.

My dream is to open a dance-hall - like they used to make them - with a big-band and all, but that's another blog, another day.

Plenty more fish in the sea.....

Who in the world came up with that phrase? Not only is it not helpful, it's straight on misleading! The last thing you want to think of when you just broke up with someone is that there are plenty more out there to break up with later on, and usually when someone uses that phrase, you don't want anyone else.

Well, and yes, it's misleading and a big fat lie! There might be plenty of men/women out there, but the main part of them are either small baby-fish that are too young, old toothless fish that are.. well too old, or big bully fish that you have to try and avoid - maybe even poisonous! The few good and proper aged ones are either on someone else's hook, or darn rare!

It feels more like trying to find a vacant pool of fish to fish in during the Kaluak fishing derby ( sorry, very nerdy reference), than having your pick among prizewinning salmons.. And we all know that it's not like they jump out of the water and into your lap by themselves... Catching a big one takes time and patience - no wonder why so many of us keep the little ones we catch because we're afraid another one wont bite ever again.. so sitting patiently on the dock, waiting for the big one to come along seems hopeless.. and if we wait too long, we aren't strong enough any more, (well - pretty and perky enough really) to wheel it in.

So should we just erase that stupid phrase from our vocabulary entirely or what!
And while we're at it.. "You have to kiss many frogs before you find your prince"... eeewww - but why?? Why do we have to dig through the trash to find the good stuff? And being a ex-girlfriend to a couple of guys.. well most of us are someone's ex.. that makes us frogs! So what does that mean? That the princes and princess's out there are only the ones that have never been kissed, and ... well what about the one doing the kissing.. just doesn't make sense.. so another phrase to toss in the bin...

So according to the phrases of love, we should be looking for a frogfish prince.. doesn't sound very handsome now does it... so lets keep the animal kingdom out of the love-finding references from now on.

Things to do list.....

Hmmmm..... "things to do before something" lists, seems to be a good film topic.. and book topic, and blogs for that matter.... But I don't know if I think they are a good idea and a motivator, or a really bad idea and a stress-factor...

I mean, you don't really need a list - The best plan for your life is "live life to the fullest"... But I guess that "the fullest" can be hard to cope with.. what is it, and when do you know, if you have achieved it?

So I guess I might be pro-"things to do before something" lists.. as long as they don't involve unrealistic demands and wishes... "Before I turn 25 I want to marry the prince of Sweden".... mmmm would have been nice though.. he is a handsome fella.

As I am approaching 30, I find myself in the situation where I feel like I have to have had a list of "Things to do before I turn 30".... And I am pretty sure it would have involved marriage and kids, but I am in the lucky position that there is not such a list, and I don't have to feel a defeat for not finishing it.
On the other side, I am in a pretty low and depressing place of my life at the moment ( well, drowning in self-pity anyway), so a few motivators couldn't hurt.

So I have been going over what I would like to achieve before I turn 30 - in kind of realistic measures of cause. I have about 7 months left.

1) A place of my own to live ( Should be possible once I get some funds again)

2) A Apprenticeship in an office - or at least a job (There ought to be a job out there somewhere!)

3) The possibility of a romance - that's not too much to ask is it... (come out come out where ever you are...)

4) Get off my sorry behind and see old friends. (How hard can it be to drag myself out for coffee)


That should be possible... Or at least motivational... diets and promises of working out will have to wait till I have the basics covered...

Acting accordantly to age....

I am pretty sure, that I as a 29 year old am suppose to act differently than I am.. according to the "norm".
I should have a steady job - trying to make a career, own my own home, or at least have a fab flat somewhere in the city, host dinner parties for my friends, have a significant other that I can go on vacations with, and maybe even a few kids..... Weekends should be spend on cocktails with my girlfriends, or dinners at friends with my man.... acting maturely and grown-up.

But even though some of it sounds kinda nice - that's not how I roll... yet at least.

I am still under education - I don't have a dream of a career in the fast lane - I just want to be a secretary, dress up in cute pencil-skirts and silk blouses, make coffee and make sure all the wheels are turning.. And I am pretty good at it too! I am a natural assistant, I aim to please and multi-task.. And there is nothing wrong with not wanting more.. in my opinion.

I don't have a significant other - besides my cat (oh yes - I am a cat-lady, but that's a whole different story). But this part I would like to change.. just not the easiest thing in the world to find a good man at my age.. most of them are already taken, and the rest seems to be hiding ( also another blog-entry in the future).

Cocktails with the girlfriends does sound nice - you just don't get a lot of cocktail bars where I live - we have a dodgy bodega with a pool-table.. that's it....

So I spend my time reading, gaming, crafting and playing cards with my best friend.... probably doesn't sound very fascinating... but I am quite happy for the time being.

But don't think I am an ignorant, unaware and simple-minded girl because of it.... I follow politics - always vote and take pride in knowing who stands for what, and how that affects me and the world around me. I know my history, and aim to know what goes on in the world around me - I don't let others dictate what I should think, but make my own opinions based on facts and experience.
I have an open mind, and will try everything once (unless it is obviously stupid), I don't judge a book by it's cover, and I know that every story has two sides.

I am a shy person, and that tends to come of as being a snob or just plain bitchy - and I can be bitchy - oh deary yes I can... I am a woman for gods sake - I have done it all, backstabbing, badmouthing etc.. I would like to meet the woman that claims never to have.... And if you do me wrong, your not likely to be forgotten in this century.. But I have never been a leader, by choice anyway, I don't have the skills for it.
Oh.. where was I going with this... ah yes - I think I was trying to explain that I am just like any other person out there - even if I don't follow the norms of what you should be doing at my age - I am just not busy growing up too fast - it sounds so final.. and dull... I just want to enjoy life and keep my playful side for as long as I can :)

My geeky side.....

So..... All though I am very girly, and can spend hours doing my nails, or my hair etc. , I also have a less girly girl side - and that is my geeky side.

I blame my brothers - growing up with 2 older brothers and no other girls, makes you adapt to the "manly ways" - only problem is - I didn't learn how to fix my scooter, or beat up cheeky boys.. I learned how to play Dungeons and Dragons, play computer games and how to love Lord of the rings.... So here I sit today.. age 29, and just spend the last 4½ hours playing World of Warcraft on my PC, and I enjoyed it!

I also fiddle a bit with Warhammer.. yes... the tiny figurines that you paint - no wait, first you spend a fortune on buying them.. and you need at least 100 of them.. then you paint them - and show off to your fellow Warhammer-players, then you fight someone else on a table.. well your figurines do.. you stand on your side of the table, making faces and swearing, while mumbling lucky words to your dices before rolling them.. and if failing, you have to act as if the gods have called several curses upon you and raise your fist in anger...
To be honest I mostly watch the others play - I am too cheap to spend 200 pounds on small plastic figurines.. I could be spending that money on shoes! ( Here I am still mostly a girly girl), but I have a few myself, and when I play, I just borrow one of my brothers armies - he has several, so why should I spend money on that.

But when it comes to World of Warcraft, I also spend silly money on it.. have to have the Collectors Edition of new expansions... you get a cute pet in the game you now! And you get a cool giant box you can.. hmmm well I don't have it out in the open.. it's in a box somewhere, due to the "living on a sofa" issue.

So that's my little "dark" secret... I am not embarrassed.. and I don't mind admitting I am a proud geek - If it wasn't for my geeky side, I wouldn't have met a lot of the absolutely lovely people I know today.

So - explore your other sides... don't miss out on all the fun because it "feels weird" - the books alone in the fantasy genre is worth a peak ;) Or maybe drop the 4 inches of make-up for one day, and go stick your head under the hood of your car and learn a few things on your own.. And you guys could get a facial, or draw a bubble bath... can't really think of any other girly things that men could find nice ;)

Doing stuff on my own.

As mentioned, I am closing in on 30, and after a long time of waiting for things to happen for me - I decided that a girl's gotta take responsibility for her own life, and make things happen!

So, as a part of my new "Get satisfied with your life before turning 30" project, I decided, that the first thing was to find out if I could stand my own company, so I took a week abroad - to Tunisia to be specific - on my own.

I have always loved to travel - and I have tried to travel between destinations alone before - that doesn't scare me.. I love it! But a whole week - in Tunisia - all alone.. that scared me a bit.

It started fine - check in at airport - get on plane - eat incredibly nasty food on plane - land - begin to grasp that everything is in french.... oh no.. My French vocabulary is as good as non existing.. It's ok - I can handle it.. noooo problem.. they also seem to speak a tiiiny bit of Deutsch - and I can remember a bit from school.. - Meet Danish guides ( thank god) - get on bus to hotel - uhhh hotel looks niiice - get into room ( all good there as well)... and then the vacation started.

It was actually quite a nice hotel - big pool, all inclusive meals, nice staff and my room was great.. besides from the obvious lack of TV channels in English - there is a limit for how long BBC news can stay interesting... and watching American movies synchronised to French, is really frustrating!
The first couple of days went by fast- I read my book, ate in the restaurant ( uhhh I tell you, they had a huuuuge table with cakes for every meal.. so long diet!) and slept.. On the 3'rd day I finally got myself together and went down to the pool - but there is something about being alone among a ton of other people.. you feel more alone - and I couldn't really leave the hotel after getting told ( and experiencing, the one time I left the hotel on my own) that the local men weren't the most polite, or respectful.
So there I sat.. on day no. 3 - and felt utterly alone.. But at dinner I met a Danish couple I had spoken to briefly on the first day - and we ended up hanging out the last 5 days ( later another couple joined in, and we had a great time) - so I was saved from my loneliness, and got to leave the hotel and see the area.. together with others.
But even though I was thankful for meeting these people, I also felt as if I got cheated out of my "Single girl-power vacation" - not because of the people I met, but because of the location I had chosen... A place where I couldn't be myself, couldn't go out for dinner alone, or rent a scooter and drive around the island...

So next time ( and there will be one) I am choosing a location where the locals speak English, men are more respectful of women, not an Islamic area ( not because of the religion, I have all the respect in the world for religions, but because I couldn't go out on my own, or get drunk because of the traditions) , and not at a hotel stuffed with people.. I am thinking a nice little straw-hut on a beach in Fiji maybe.. just me, my books, a ton of alcohol and maybe some fit surfer dudes to look at....

To blog or not to blog

Why not...... seems to be the *thing* to do these days, and who am I to question what is hip and what is not.... I'll just jump on the bandwagon, and enjoy the ride.

So..... what can I bring to this relationship? Hmm, well anything I want to I guess - it's my blog. And you can bring whatever you like - pity, anger, love, understanding, criticism or nothing at all.

My main motivators - my m&m's, for starting this blog... well I guess you can hide a bit more here.. and not care too much about what others think.. I mean, if you visit my blog, it is to read it - you can hardly stumble over it, read the content, and then be annoyed with me "sharing crap about myself that you don't care about".. it's not Facebook.

I am almost 30.... less than a year away lies the big 3 0 ..... I don't think it would creep me out as much, if things were different when I turned 29.. but they weren't.... I was at the time.. unemployed, single, still too fat, and best of all - living on a sofa in my parents spare living-room... I am still all those things... had a very short, brighter period, where I went to a course in business economics and IT, and actually thought things might change.. but no...

I wonder where my 20's went - I sure as hell didn't use them. No memories of wild parties, casual sex, meaningful relationships, or even dating strangers. What a waste.... But at least I now know, not to waste my 30's aswell - it's never too late.